Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
