Dual....:-)
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
