I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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