I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
false alarm, still single
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
