Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
