White coat. Heels.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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