when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
