I never want to see another naked old woman again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
