You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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