All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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