They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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