i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
