Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize