I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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