My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
