took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
