This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
