Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
