i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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