he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
