What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
