he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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