Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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