Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
