Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
