He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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