I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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