Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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