With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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