I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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