So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
