Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
