How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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