I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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