wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize