everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When are your genitals available?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
