This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
