She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
