I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
