I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
