i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
