are you still at the devil's house?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
