your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
