On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
