u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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