im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
