I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
