maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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