i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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