What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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