I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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