2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize