at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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