he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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