the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
