I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
