And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
