can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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