this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
