here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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